So I was talking with a friend yesterday about clothes, you know – like the ones you don’t fit into at this moment because you aren’t quite the weight you were a while ago? So you put them on, when you are feeling good, eating better and working out, and you react to yourself with a “Really (insert your name)?!” as if somehow miraculously in the course of about 8 days of moving your body, everything is going to fit better. You know that feeling? Then we talked about how there are some clothes that pleasantly fit better and then others you think will, but they don’t?

You know what I’m talking about. Maybe I just need to say the word #jeans and you’ll relate. 

Anyway, as she’s talking all I could say was “I get you girl!!” Then I thought about that thing we say to ourselves, that “Really?” comment. It’s like permission to beat ourselves up. We don’t even know it, but we’re totally giving ourselves the Unhealthy Voice attitude. It’s like a whole “Can’t you get anything right?” voice that seriously does us no good.

I mean who are we expecting to be? Just because the world tells us that we need to have the weight dropped this minute, we somehow think that the world’s standard is our own. It’s amazing to me how easily we can just let it infiltrate our thoughts and our whole being about living a healthy lifestyle. We don’t even give ourselves the chance to allow the process to unfold. 

Here’s what I’m getting at – I am one of those people who  just gets way triggered by someone telling me about their next workout, diet or body fix. If I hear someone telling the number they are on the scale, I seriously have to walk away either physically, or in my mind. Why? Because that’s just not where I’m at. 

My process of getting my body back, is NOT about my body. It’s not about what I’m eating. It’s not about my workout. What I do physically does not define me or put me on some pedestal to make me think, “I got this.” My approach to it is completely and utterly spiritual and when your approach to anything in life is spiritual – you do not focus on quick results. You focus on “progress not perfection.” In fact, you can’t focus on the results at all, because you’ve got to focus on what God is working on in you. 

Now, I know that we live in a world that’s all about being healthy, but I just don’t do it the way the rest of the world does it. I’m training for a race, yes – but I’m not focusing on obsessing about my training. I’m focusing on the process – however long it takes, to get me prepared to cross that finish line. I am not focused on getting myself in “perfect” shape to cross that finish line. I’m preparing myself and in the process of preparing, I’m focusing on the WALK, not the RESULT.

It is not an easy walk, or shall we say run. After my body’s been basically still for a year, I would LOVE for the weight to drop. I also know when I go to the doctor’s office and she says, “Step on the scale,” she wants it to be there too. She wants to see the physical, visible result of a number. But for me I have to almost say, “I appreciate that you want that to be even better but I’ve got to stick to my truth and my truth is that I’m trusting God in the process. Period. End of story.”

And people wonder why they are so obsessed with the “number” on the scale, on the pants or on the calories line of the Nutrition Facts box. It’s because we’ve made the number the bar we set in so many ways, that we haven’t given ourselves a chance to focus on just eating what FUELS our bodies. From the inside out, our society teaches us to buy into these numbers as our basis for worthiness of “healthy” and I’m here to say – it’s a bunch of BS. I’m not saying I don’t have weight to lose, or ways that I can eat better, or things I can do with my workouts to improve my health.

But there is only one way that I do this walk, and it’s with God leading me – not someone’s quick-fix scheme. That is the ONLY way I don’t lose it – because HE leads the way to healthy for me. So when I get on that scale, I know, “God’s with me and the process and results are up to him.” All I’ve got to do is show up, and to be honest I’d rather have long term improvements, than quick-fix body changes. I’m in this life for the long haul and my purpose goes way beyond making my body the main focus. My body is a vehicle for God to work through me. But my focus is on being a channel and letting my work on the inside show it’s results on the outside. 

The outside is NOT my focus. 

I’m a true believer that, to find your Healthy Voice you’ve got to: Be willing to go beyond the weight and get beneath the surface.

Think about it. Are you willing to stop going with the crowd and go within? Doesn’t mean you won’t workout or eat right. In fact, it includes that, but are you ready to leave the results up to God, including that body you want so bad?

Posted in Body Confidence, Eating Disorder Recovery, Recovery

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