This coming Sunday is Fathers Day and I wanted to talk about it this week because it can trigger Unhealthy Voice thoughts and feelings for so many people. So this week’s message is for all the people who are going through this as we approach this next Hallmark holiday.Why? Because if you’ve lost your Dad, never had a Dad, been abandoned by your Dad, abused, neglected, or just struggled in your relationship with your father – the enemy, who is your Unhealthy Voice, knows it’s your weak spot and wants to take you down with it.

Stuck in your head, emotionally angry, indifferent or numb, he will keep you there so you never actually confront your pain. Some of us have had that Dad wound planted in childhood, and it goes way back. So it’s a DEEP root we have to UP-root. 

I am married to a man who is an amazing father. An imperfect one, but one who loves his kids with all he’s got. I have no doubt that part of what attracted me to him was having a Dad who just adored his kids. Seeing that in him reminded me of my Dad. But it wasn’t always easy.

I was very close with my Dad. He was my mentor, guide, and champion. I definitely was a Daddy’s girl. Although, for most of my life after the age of 8 till the day he died 6 years ago, we did not live in the same town. The majority of the time he lived a 3hour distance in D.C. where I would travel to visit every other weekend. For a long time he would travel to Philly to come get me. He was a very loyal Dad.

At one point, when I finally moved to D.C. for my own work, he was soon after on his way to Luxembourg to be an Ambassador. I was way bummed. But he was a patriot and he had to serve his country. We continued to have that distance, but we were always close in heart. Yet the enemy used that distance to create in me a fear of abandonment. It was a wound in my soul that needed to be healed and took YEARS of being willing to face my demons. But it didn’t start till I put down the drink and the food. When I started to address the wound of my parent’s divorce and Dad leaving, things started to get better between us. So, we had 31 years of a good relationship, but 3 of an amazing one because I was sober. Lots of healing happened between us while he was alive and lots of it happened after he died. And what happened in the moment he died was a huge surprise to me. 

See, I always imagined and really feared that I’d lose my Dad someday. Like, it gave me panic attacks and was often sometimes what made me use a substance. And when it happened, I never expected God to do what he did. The moment I found out, I had this intense peace. I found myself on my knees thanking God for the time and healing we had at the end. I was also thanking Dad for being such a good Dad. I was devastated by the loss, but felt the peace of God like no other. That’s when I truly found out that God was my father and would fill that hole of Dad leaving in a way not even Dad ever could. 

The years of sobriety gave me tools to deal with it. And the decision I made to follow Christ almost one year before to the day made me realized God was preparing me for this moment. Finding a relationship with my heavenly father is what gave me the strength to get through losing Dad and for every single thing since. It wasn’t because I was the good church-going girl. It was because I’d found a relationship with God. It helped me see that God was, is and always will be my heavenly father and only he can fill that hole in all the ways my father couldn’t, because he was simply – human. 

I had one amazing Dad. I am one blessed woman to have had him in my life in so many ways, but I think I’m most grateful for his love. His unconditional love is what introduced me to the unconditional love of the father. Just by being loving, even though he wasn’t in my life every day, he was a tremendous positive influence. 

Every one of us has our own experience with our Dad. It’s kinda like grief. We all go through it, but we all feel it in our own personal way. On the surface some may seem to have it worse, but it’s really not a comparison game, it’s just an experience that is ours and no one can take it away from us. Every single Dad has good things about them and flaws. They are not perfect. I learned that when my Dad and I started to talk when I got into recovery. So it’s really up to us to do one of two things. We can either hold a resentment towards the situation or the man, or we can realize this…

The father hole in our soul was never meant to be filled to completion by our earthly fathers and always meant to be filled by our heavenly father. To be in relationship with our heavenly father helps us when we all someday lose our Dads.
 
My relationship with God has healed my Dad wound and made me even more appreciative of the father on earth I did have. God took care of me, even when I couldn’t see it. 

I meet people all the time who didn’t have loving Dads and can’t understand what it would be like to have a relationship with their Dad – let alone a good one. I know that my Dad showed me a loving God, but I still had to deal with the pain, just like you.

But we have to know, even as scary as it might be to imagine, that God does not want us to face it alone. He certainly doesn’t want us to feel less than or abandoned. He wants to be the heavenly father that fills in any gaps from our earthly gather. That’s just how much he loves us. He wants us to lean on him, trust him, come to him, abide in him and just let him be the great father he is to us, if we let him be. So if you are one of those people just struggling with your Dad stuff right now, look to the Father, I promise you won’t be disappointed. 

If you don’t believe me, take a listen to this song, or just read the lyrics. It’s called “Strong God”

Father to the fatherless Defender of the weak
Freedom for the prisoner we sing

This is God in His holy place
This is God clothed in love and strength

Sing out lift your voice and cry out
Awesome is our strong God mighty is our God

You’re with us in the wilderness faithful to provide
Ev’ry breath and ev’ry step we see

Sing out lift your voice and cry out
Awesome is our strong God mighty is our God
Sing out raise your hands and shout out
Awesome is our strong God mighty is our God

There is no higher no
There is no greater no
There is none stronger than our God

There is no higher no
There is no greater no
There is none stronger than our God

There is no higher no
There is no greater no
There is none stronger than our God

Happy Father’s Day to ALL the Father’s out there, especially my husband. Love you babe.

Posted in Father Loss, Grief Recovery

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